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Thread: Why do women pull away?

  1. #11
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    If you've done nothing to upset her, if she has no major stressors in her life right now (finals at school, problems at work, family issues) and she is pulling away anyway... it may very well be a case of her just not feeling the way that you do.

    If this is a pattern that you see happens with many women you date, your conclusion should not be that all women are like this (they are not) but rather you should look into yourself and see what behaviors you take on at this point in all of your relationshps that might be re-creating the same outcomes in everyone you date.

    Not saying its your fault, but when something happens over and over with different people, the common element is you... so its good to do some introspection to see if you may be subonciously sabotoging relationships when what you really want is to just hold on to them.

    Are you jealous in a controlling way? A little jealousy is natural but if you are freaking out everytime a guy talks to her... its controlling.

    Are you the one that has to make all the plans or do you feel like if you never asked her to hang out... she may never get around to doing the same?

    A relationship takes both parties working towards it, if you are doing all the work, and she's not putting any effort in -- it may be that she just doesn't value what you guys have together in the way that you do.

    Do you give her space to hang out with friends and family? Does she ever call you out of the blue or are you the one always calling her?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  2. #12
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    Thats where I think the problem is. She is stressing about school and some other things. Everyone on here as made very valid points. I was somewhat aware of what most have mentioned but all of you have shown more light upon it. Im not the jealous type at all. Just once in awhile Ill tease to be playful but I encrouage her to go out and enjoy time with friends and family. It just seemed like everything was soo good for a period of time then it was a complete turn around all of these emotional things started to surface. I was there for her the whole time. Did my best not to smother and listened. My hardest problem is drawing the line and knowing when to say I am not getting what I want out of the relationship. Has anyone else had similar issues? Just times where things seemed bad but eventually worked through them? I know things wont always be perfect in relationships but during those times I feel like you should still have a feeling that your partner wants it to work just to give a little reassurance.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by abc123!! View Post
    Has anyone else had similar issues? Just times where things seemed bad but eventually worked through them? I know things wont always be perfect in relationships but during those times I feel like you should still have a feeling that your partner wants it to work just to give a little reassurance.
    Yes. My relationship is the most awesome thing in the world. I love my boyfriend and I'm so into him and he makes me feel amazing. But there have been some rough patches where I felt like he was distancing himself from me, where I questioned his happiness in the relationship and wondered if we shouldn't just part.

    But instead of mulling it over and letting it drag me down, us down... instead of deciding for him that he wasn't happy and then exiting... I talked to him about. And the way I approached it was to NOT just say... you're being distant.. its too vague and too easy to say no I'm not, because they might not feel that they are.

    I approached by pointing out the specific things he was doing or not doing that was making me feel the way I was feeling so that he could understand what he was doing that I was interperating quite possibly the wrong way. It gave him the opportunity to address his real reasons behind those things, and to look for ways to make me feel better... and also allowed him to air what he needed from me etc..

    And thats what carried us through every rough patch we've hit... communication. Not talking about something that bothers you only allows room for resentment to build...then you will start distancing yourself because they are and before you know it you guys have phased yourself out of a relationship you both really wanted over silly misunderstandings.

    Talk it out.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  4. #14
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    But thats exactly where I am trying to get. I keep telling her how important it is for us to communicate. I know love will die if we dont start talking more openly soon. I express what I have to say and my feelings but she in return always tells me how she is bad with emotional stuff, isnt good at explaining, and thinks it will all sound stupid. I dont judge her I build her up and try to get her to open up. She says she likes to deal with things internally and on her own and I think that is a bad thing to do but its been a habit of hers for such a long time. As of lately I feel like she enjoys having me around but I dont feel the passion, romance, or affection that was once there and I think its because she is keeping it all bottled up inside and is scared to tell me. I know I have negative feelings to but I cant keep communicating how I feel without her opening up as well. I just feel weak and clingy when I tell her these things because the response I receive from her is I dont know or I dont know what to say.

  5. #15
    Junior Member Array LadyJinx's Avatar
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    I agree with most here, I tend to pull away if I feel smothered, nervous or like running away because I had such a fear of being in a relationship since I had horrible ones in the past. You could try talking to her maybe. Maybe something is bothering her.

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