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Thread: what is with choking??

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    Default what is with choking??


    Okay so what is it with guys and choking women while having sex, my fiance and i have only had sex about 10 times at the utmost so far and a few times during the middle of our 'love making as he calles it he will use one hand and wrap it around my lil throat and choke me ? the first time i was so freaked out i didnt say anything but the next few times i asked him to not do that as the last time my throat was sore that same night but was not 'bruised or anything , i heard a long long time ago that if your partner does choke you it hightens your sensativitiy to the plesure is that true? , why dose he like to do this to me? any thoughts ladies? , men ? ?

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    I've heard of people doing this but NEVER without prior consent. This would be a deal breaker for me. As in good bye.
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    WH Assistant Head Moderator Array LanaBear's Avatar
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    Never heard of it, but yeah okay, there is such a thing of sexual dominance. Which is fine, BUT BUT BUT it needs to be discussed before hand. You seriously need to establish safe word/gesture or something. If this happened to me without prior knowledge or consent, there would have been some serious issues, he probably would have landed on his back on the floor by the bed to say the least.
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    Here's a year old thread you may wish to view, which discussed it in depth, as well as the "be carefulls"....

    Choking

    CW
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    I think it's mainly a "control" thing. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's a bad person, but rather, in some cases (such as BDSM) it may be a sexually heightening experience for your fiancÚ. I myself am prone to enjoying such kinks, but it's all worked out by talking it through first, and asking your partner what actions they do and don't like, as well as being thoroughly open and telling your partner what you YOURSELF do and don't like.

    There is a self-asphyxia related masturbation kink wherein people enjoy holding their breath or being choked (whether by others or by their own means) just prior to orgasm. It is known to heighten the pleasure of the orgasm, but for others, if they don't like it, well, THEY DON'T LIKE IT. There's nothing wrong with not liking it (as if this isn't apparent enough! Hehe), if it's scaring you and or leaving your throat feeling sore.

    If you do like it, or plan on wanting to explore it, you really need to make it clear to your partner that he should take it much easier. Maybe instead of outright choking you, he should just keep his hand around your throat instead. Either way, you need to make it clear that he needs to stop doing that since it's upsetting in the slightest. Having that kind of fear in a relationship during sexual interaction is REALLY SCARY (been there, done that :S).

    If you'd want to know why he likes it, ask him! It may be a possibly fantasy he has, to overly dominate a female, or maybe he thought you'd like it to begin with. He's your fiancÚ; with that word in mind, I'm assuming that you both are planning on wanting to live out your lives together. I think it'd be best if you asked him on your own, rather than turning to other people's opinions just yet. I've talked this kind of stuff through with what partners I have had, and it always ends in a much more pleasant as well as pleasurable sexual experience for both of us, as there is no longer guess-and-checking nor is there any remote chance of fear or worry

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    Choking is sometimes used in a BDSM sort of setting. BUT - be really really careful. NEVER do this without a safeword (or safe gesture in this case). People have DIED doing this - it is easy to loose track of what you are doing when you are highly aroused. There was a famous murder caes in New York some years ago that was probably due to erotic asphyxia gone bad.

    There is a rumor that the actor David Carradine recently died that way.

    If you don't like this sort of play tell him. BDSM play something you should never engage in if you don't like it - in that case it is just abuse. If he wants this sort of thing and you don't, you may want to re-think your relationship.

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    You're engaged to someone you only slept with 10 times and half the time he chokes you, which you think is "scary"....

    Am I the only one who sees the flawed logic of your engagement?

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    Nope, As I said, "deal breaker", here and on another thread....
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    Quote Originally Posted by SinisterUrge View Post
    You're engaged to someone you only slept with 10 times and half the time he chokes you, which you think is "scary"....

    Am I the only one who sees the flawed logic of your engagement?
    No, you are not. I'm worried for you God'sangelbaby. No, this is isn't "normal" to do to someone without finding out its okay first.

    My boyfriend is the only man I've had sex with in years... before him I was celibate for a very long time. But before that I was quite (no proud, not at all) "active" with the boys... to put it respectfully and I've never once not ever had a guy attempt to choke me during sex.

    I've heard of couples and even masturbating singles (yes people do die this way, especially this way) that practice choking for heightened orgasms/lack of oxygon to the brain -- they go into it knowing that is what they are doing though -- its not sprung on them in the middle of sex.

    You have every right to feel terrified as it might not just be for your pleasure that he is doing it. If he has a fantasy of choking someone during sex... thats pretty dark and if hes not even discussing it with you... that is even darker.

    Does he exhibit any other rape-like tendencies, putting his hand over your mouth anything of the sort?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array OG612's Avatar
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    The purpose of "choking" someone (or yourself) during sex/masturbation is to heighten the orgasm as you start to orgasm. You don't choke someone leading up to orgasm, or pre-orgasm.

    When done with a partner it's called erotic asphyxiation.
    When done by yourself, it's called auto-erotic asphyxiation.

    I've employed a tactic like this with women with no problems whatsoever. But I never choked them (cutting off their airway). What I have done, and everybody has loved, is very gently pinching (and I'm talking minimal pressure here) the carotid artery on the left side of their neck. It delivers blood to the brain. By putting even a little, tiny, insignificant amount of pressure there can heighten things without having any dire effects.

    But pinch too hard, or for too long, and you'll cause her to black out. Or worse! (GULP!)

    When it comes to sex, it's OK to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. But only if you're open to doing them and you and your partner agree as to what it is you're going to try.

    For instance, I'll never rape a woman. I have no need to. But I'll indulge her if she has a rape fantasy, but only if safe words or gestures are designated beforehand and she lets me know what is considered unacceptable (ie face punching).

    Don't be afraid to try something new. But be afraid if your partner starts choking you during sex without any prior knowledge of what he's doing. If he has to turn to erotic asphyxiation to get you off, then he's not doing his job right in the bedroom.

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